Saturday morning crush

These past months have been pure tedium, intermixed with boredom. Some things, small things, brighten my spirit and give me something to head forward for. Like, when my dad was here, his rhythms that wove in-and-out of the day.

He'd make coffee after coffee, randomly smoke his Marlboros, do batch of laundry after batch of laundry. He left a sense of that purpose and direction behind when he left, and I step into it on occasion just to set my brain right.

Now that he's gone I find myself making cup of Stash tea after cup of Senseo, and repeat...mainly for the warmth and fluids. I've been cooking too, alot more than prior and that small quest to create something satisfying and memorable, it's good.

Fresh beginnings, or endings

C'mon clean slate, don't fail me now! Loving so many things about blogging, yet hating half-of-it with all my heart, leaves me no choice but to begin anew. Hopefully, in time, my life will morph to fit into my new blog, truly, I can see it now.

I wake up bright and early, all set for my day. Blog numero uno satisfies my day's beginning, numero dos is where family and cooking inspiration land, blog tres all about the joys of living in North Dakota (year round), and grownupartists (with a brighter background), blog four.

Er, uh cuatro. Never will I come back here to just be myself, completely naked. Ah yes, I think it's already working...I'm becoming that person, better than I was before.

A fruitful day

Unlike Earl, I don't have a wheelbarrow full of regrets in my lifetime. Maybe I don't exist under the same pressure he's been forced to live under, providing for his family AND being funny and creative on cue.

It's most likely where my husband and I veer off each other's courses...my life of luxury and leisure can't really go wrong (except in my head), while our lives can go crashing off-course if he drops even one ball of the seven zillion he keeps juggling.

Hence the compassion I'm trying to add to my repertoire. It's kind of embarrassing when I take an honest look at all I haven't accomplished in my life, and compare it to all I could accomplish if I went back to school or just got a regular job.

These are recent thoughts only, as it's possible that I once homeschooled successfully, might have had all my close friends within handy vicinity, and perhaps felt proud of the choices I've made that landed me here today...complaining and guilt-ridden.

Malfunctioning Friday

This is ridiculous, and get me back here NOW! Remaining tethered to the planet instead of leaping through the clouds of my choosing...deep soul work, lemme tell you. I bothered to see which spoils Gwyneth is spending her effortless lifestyle on, reporting.

Ooh, Nashville allowed her entry, and London's ALWAYS there for her. Makes Daphne's realness factor with Wendy Williams sublime in comparison. I'm starting to understand why John Mayer would rather NOT PLAY, than continue to associate himself with the mentionables.

At least that's MY interpretation of his MOOD problem. I'd have to interview him myself to get the full picture of what's UNFAIR TO THE REST OF US about celebrity-advantage these days. And I think I will...yup, I'd better.

So, thank you

You know how you have that place in your heart, being made of muscle and all, that doesn't want to sit still and be in peace just because you tell it to? Sometimes the imbalance reflects itself in your voice, like for me, there's an emptiness on the right-side that announces itself as gravelly.

Really annoying, but what can you do? Well for first, don't trust your imagination, because it will lead you down the most tangled of paths, confuse and destroy at its whim (no resting place, that's why). So you keep on walking, in the pain of no resting place, but what can you do?

Watch as many music videos as you can, I always say. Works for about half-a-day of "this is what peace might feel like"...if it lasted. Peace, with imbalance, can't last a whole day if it tried to. Almost easier to believe in the evil and let the pain hurt.

On a wider scale, like the WIDEST...our insides reflect the world outside. Whether a magi is confessing he practices voodoo with sticks, and the Christian who knows better says, "um, no...just won't agree to think so." Takes practice, but worth it so.

A Collective Theory

Having proven civilization to be stable, progress to be optional, and the upcoming weekend a sure thing...I'm investing my labors in post-Memorial Day dreams of survival. The veterans all died in thankless wars that will only be repeated week after week, and thereafter, the least I can do is not kill myself. Won't my children be pleased.

I can't say for sure what post-Memorial Day will hold for us all, I'd guess more of the same, as is typical. Just hope enthusiasm doesn't fade, and then wane, for the battle seemed so worth it, but the finale was so subtle. The holidays confuse.

And now, life is just Labor Day and that time in between, so be thankful.

Th Fri Sa Su

I'm not even going to give Monday a thought, that's Memorial Day which is an important holiday for some powerful country, can't recall which. It's Thursday, I'll muster the effort to go to the park, although it's chilly out. Which friend will I call? I think Lori.

Then, off to the luxurious lake cabin life. Hopefully by then it will have warmed up, and not be too cold to sit on the deck in lawn chairs, reading and enjoying the sounds of nature. I should probably check the weather channel, or a website with the same information, but I'll wing it instead.

Winging it provides the best results when you're me, so I'll just wing it all the way through the weekend until Monday. Of course, camp starts soon after that, and I have the library programs to sign up for. And all day yesterday I spent studying Science Roots, that venture's going to be productive for me, I do love studying, I do.

So, that's my weekend, I'm sure I'll enjoy it. Once it decides to begin.

Latest Accomplishments

Well, I told you about the Geography Fair we won, well not exactly. There's no such thing as WINNERS in homeschooling land. In fact, we achieve more together, it's simple as that.



While I've yet to find a personal "lighting instructor" or take an officially helpful photography class, we have begun our study of the illustrationist Norman Rockwell.

Taught the kids complete Monopoly, we'd been playing

the children's version.

Captured a two year old in her first winter gear.

Tried to take the holiday photo, didn't turn out so well.

Began YMCA swimming lessons, Angie struck a deal.

Hallow'een

It was a warm, but spooky night. Not that my fingers were crossed for snow, but as low pressure systems in October often grow...oh well, never mind. The spirit has passed us, and despite bitter warnings from fellow homeschoolers, the dead did not rise.

Though ghoul was present in larger quantities than last year (counted 3-4 favorite houses), we both celebrated AND survived.



Yes, I awoke late this morning, visions of skunks and winter princesses danced in my head, I'll spare you the important details, but stuffed animals were involved. It's a tradition.



No caramel apples this year though, didn't have time. However, the geography fair exactly one week prior, went off without a hitch (sorry, no awesome pictures). Even local representative Mark Owens felt inclined showed up.



Next year, we'll choose Africa, stay tuned.

Lucky me!

Not only is today my oldest daughter's birthday, I can look back over the ten years we've spent raising her and know I wouldn't change a thing. From the time she initiated her Daddy into fatherhood by shooting hot yellow mustard all over his face and white Calvin Klein sleepshirt, his patient understanding of my wish to get a camera (now I have two!), as he blindly felt his way to the shower in St. John's Block...great beginnings don't always ensure a great ending.

All of the in-between parts take work, and they take sacrifice. You can look as far ahead as you like, envisioning the best dreamworld possible. It's the focusing on the dream everyday though, that tests your mettle and produces results. I'm not bragging, okay maybe I am. And when you see what I found at TJ Maxx yesterday, I'm totally bragging.

But this is about my daughter, who has enriched my life more than I ever knew could be possible. All you parents out there know exactly what I'm talking about, life just isn't the same once you discover the reason for living. Great friends are only second to a satisfying family life. As luck would have it, and as an old friend did say, one of the best ways to meet people is through the action of family.

Actually, he said it was through your children, I'm just taking it one step further. If it weren't for Jackie and her fine art classes, we would never have known Caprice who lives two blocks away. And speaking of making this girl's dreams come true, I've been admiring her gardening since the moment I saw her flowers!


How many species can a homeschooled child ponder?!!

But quickly, TJ Maxx...and then off to a movie (thanks dollar theater, thanks Nim's island). Can you believe I found this watch, it's identical to my husband's. Love the domed glass, don't you?

But this bag, so unexpected! Lacoste at TJ Maxx, doesn't it look high-end? As beautiful as my navy-rimmed Vera Wang stationery ($7.99!) CK says I should bring it on the yacht, which of course we don't have (it's so expensive!) And I asked, when you say "yacht" is it the bag itself that brings yachts to mind...or do you actually envision us on one?

It was the latter. Eerie!

My daughter is a Summer Camp dropout

…again this year. Last year it was understandable, she was only 5 and I’d lied about her birthdate in order to get her in her brother and sister’s camp. I guess those counselors divide them by age groups for a reason.

After the first week she’d had enough of putting her head down until everybody could be quiet. And the big kids kept throwing their lunch bags around (with food in them!)

So this year, proudly 6, she volunteered to join in again. I was hesitant…the Park Board only charges $45 for two months of summer (we were early birds, for the rest of you it’s $50). The Y charges $100 a week, but they do throw adventures, of the most magnificent kind I might add. If only I had $1000 to throw back at them, per child! I guess I could gamble $45 to give Taylor the chance to enjoy it.

Taylor officially dropped out yesterday, or so I’d thought. It’s the first week I figured, give the teachers some time to sort out the dysfunction. When Cole told me about the Q-U-I-E- (don’t make me say T, or you’re losing a field trip) game…I felt so much better. The chaos we were seeing (they could write their own stories) made me wish for the teachers we had last year. I guess all parents feel the same (I do have an article with that very suggestion, but it‘s not written yet).

Last night I explained to her exactly the problem. You hate having to deal with the other kids’ misbehavior. I’m not prejudiced, but I care still. They’re from the public schools honey, you’re not used to that fact. Not bad kids (just not like you, sorry), they’ve got things to learn still. And the teachers, they’re doing the best jobs they can. It’ll be rough for the first week, but they’ll discover their style (hopefully it’s not Crocs, though I do love their leather!)

If you don’t want to put up with it, I don’t blame you. “We’re spoiled,” I told her, “all our activities are with homeschoolers.” Tears drying slightly, she asked, “well, can we just go to a camp with all homeschoolers?” Not in this town sweetie, not yet, and I don’t care if not ever (we all need a break sometimes.)

Today we were going to skip camp anyway. What with Hannah’s little play, and my need to sell some buffalos…plus Daddy has lots of work to do, and we're going with him.

I grabbed extra water bottles just in case.

But where were all the Shriners?

Oh look, Shriners...

...making fun of the law.

Ah, in front of beautiful St. John's Block.

Anonymous moms and their anonymous children:

~10:30 straight-up~

Oh look, another Shriner...

...illegally riding on the sidewalk.

Okay, here we go...

to see Jesus wearing yellow...(follow me here)

And speaking of horses

I've been looking for this article from Prairie Country-Community, since, why it was the second to last day of May. It was written on Haflinger horses, they are said to have a "mighty good personality." Not only that, but they are obedient and very smart.

When my husband (or someone, perhaps it was karma) made my saved article disappear into thin air (it is too possible), I was seriously heartbroken. I don't get that way very often in case you're feelin' the villain energy, only my husband (and now, horses) can really break my heart.

I figured, I kind of remembered the name, sorta thought I could recognize it if I did some research, "smart, obedient horses from Warren, Minnesota." Maybe fate would have it in for me, and some horse would come lookin' for me. I've heard that can happen...but with those wire fences and all.

Well, to keep this story short (exactly how I like 'em), "no not miniature horses, stay away!" "I'll see you at the County Fair!" "Yes you can wait 'til July."

I found my story, thank you Grand Forks Herald online (right on the front page)!

Homes where my heart's been

I had a very strange dream

Before falling to sleep, I felt myself psychic. I have that connection sometimes, when people are open, I can read them across the miles. A special scan of your heart, your life, your soul...I could see it this time. It was twisted.

In a knot, I mean, which surprised me.

I tried to tell you last night that your "seeing of me" was really your seeing of you. Aren't you happy? We love in a mirror, we love in another our embrace of ourselves, here I'll show you. Love is a choice, it's as simple as that, the rest we imagine.

Believe me, I've been there, stumbled and fallen...now standing.

You mentioned to me in our psychic exchange, I can't say what. I answered to you, life is now, life is here, don't you see that? Brand new to my home, my roots all spread thin...did you not know me? Yours were still deep, all built right in, that you showed me.

That's all I can say, where our runways left off, and I'm sorry. I bet my life on this town, spread my wings and I flew, now I'm soaring. I've got these gifts to now share, that is all and that's it, may I see yours. Meet me somewhere and I'll polish your mirror into golden, I promise.

You should never capitalize the seasons

I don't know why, they are holy quarters as far as I'm concerned, proper nouns at the very least. I love good timing, being in tune, I guess you could say it's my lifeblood. For example, my oldest daughter was born on my half-birthday, now isn't that magical?

Summer solstice, hers, winter solstice, mine. Maddie came on the equinox, fall before last. She was my best birth so far, uninduced, all natural. On the very last day of the light.

It's almost springtime. And I hate to say it again, but I mean that quite literally. Riddles aside, no, just kidding. It's almost springtime, take that how you will, now March!

Big Fruit

We love Uncle Jay and his taste for the eclectic. So of course, when we saw this humongous apple at TJ Heaven, we had to get it.

Happy 4-6, my friend!

Do I look older?

Well, now that you mention it, you do seem to be growing more mature. Your face is changing, that's for sure, and compared to the little guy behind you, you're leagues ahead.

And when you add this little oompah into the calculation, I guess I have to admit, my girl, you're getting up there.

Okay, there's no denying it. Not even six yet, the telltale signs are impossible to ignore.

We're very proud of you!

Just promise me one thing, baby. Promise me, no matter how much older you and I both get...promise me...

...it won't fly by too fast.

Madison's 1st b-day

was at a favorite Dairy Queen

Everybody came to celebrate!

Aunts Susie and Patti got in on the silliness.

And, the cartwheel-a-thon...
Cole scored 206 forward rolls

Lauren did 152 cartwheels.

I could hardly believe their dedication and performance.
I'm a very proud mom!

This I Know

I graduated with a B.S. in psychology. Took the extra couple science classes for the B.S., because at the time I felt science was more respected than the arts. I intended to follow a friend's footsteps into neuropsychology, I studied hard for the entrance exams, applied to a number of schools, and went on interviews. I was ready to settle down and dive into my future at the same time.

My favorite school was in Kentucky. The blue skies, the fenced pastureland for horses, historic homes lined the campus, built for southern charm. This place offered a culture that seemed new to me. I asked one of the interviewing professors if he enjoyed living in Lexington. He laughed, as if I expected to do any "living" while immersed in my studies. Well, yeah, of course I did.

A professor held a party for us, the night before the actual interviewing began. After making introductions, I sat out in the night air, feeling very concerned about this commitment I was setting to make. A graduate student checked on me a couple times, as I innocently, like the young woman I was, said something didn't feel right. My intuition had always given me yes/no answers, and I faithfully listened.

When I returned home I waited for other acceptance/rejection letters. I'd made it on the alternate list in Kentucky. I called the most appealing of the professors twice, the one who seemed the least understood, but the smartest of all the staff. He connected with me, and understood that my commitment to check back meant I'd be serious if accepted. If any of the other candidates declined, I'd be in. He sounded sad when my space was filled.

Wisconsin gave me a phone interview which I failed miserably, on purpose. My heart was nowhere near it. Another school, which required no interview, accepted me. Why would I go to a school that didn't require an interview?

I set myself free to live my life. My fiance, who was off at his first year of medical school, begged me to come live with him. An "international" school, on a beautiful caribbean island, it didn't sell me. He said I'd make a great doctor. No, and I needed to end the engagement.

Then, the great flood happened. I'm not joking. I was at the frontlines sandbagging, the dike broke that night, and we evacuated. Thousands moved away, but I stayed to rebuild a life.

I didn't finish my senior honors thesis, on the memory deficits of temporal lobe damage. In fact, I still felt guilty for forcing the patients to go through my stupid tests. They wanted healing, not more measures of their disorder. It was complete, I'd dumped my old life and had faith in the new.

While relocated in Fargo, I said a prayer. I said all smart-assey, 'cause I'd never believed before, "God, take me where you will. I will follow you everywhere, I promise." I thought that should cover it. And I fell.