Three steps ahead

While I can only muster "do not submit that particular theory" advice to Earl, and reflect slightly enthusiastically on the number of seniors present at open gym today, while regretting my failure to recognize that Saia and Chago are the CHILDREN'S names, the attractive lesbian couple have been broken up for 9 months, and I might have been relating to the incorrect goddess from my ex-Momversation days...

Rebecca's attractive personality is shining brightly enough for the entire internet.

So, thanks be.

What's for sale?

Branding women, like cows, is something Walmart tried. Eleven moms, weren't there? Never met them. From a family-perspective, my own, I'd sooner ask my husband which products we "represent", and not just because it's the Year of the Man, or anything gay and probable like that.

So what, it's the Year of the Man. In all his spectrums, just ask Mens Journal, comparable to no Womens Magazine I've ever laid my hands on. What's next, Pride of the AARP nation, like publicly?

I mean for sure, I'd like to know which purses are REAL this spring, although I'm generally known to make the best of last year's one. I'd change though, could probably recognize a strap length or notice something special in the texture of the fabric.

Linen for me. What, like I'd go rebel chic automatic? It's mainly metal, rustic AND too expensive.

Mona Lisa and Jesus

No idea. Moms who know me know well that I spend my mornings listening to Jim Shearer's countdown on VH1. I am slightly unpleased that MTV is no longer amping up my morning in the same awesome way, but I digress.

I just saw Daniel Merriweather made number THIRTEEN, and yum. That's all, but worth it.

Big plans

My ten-year-old son has endless ambition and energy, yet oftentimes nowhere to spill over. To say he drives me absolutely crazy most days is an understatement, giving me extra reason to focus some of MY excess energy on HIS goals.

Besides eating everything sugar-filled our kitchen has to offer, and planning for the next meal that may, but probably won't, satiate his LIFE HUNGER...again, it's always in my best interest to stay at least one or two steps ahead of him.

I'm reading Mr. Food's Recipes for Busy Moms, the National Geographic Bee's official STUDY GUIDE, and finally figuring out the Hebrew names of the Pentateuch in the Bible. No, seriously. So, busily-inclined day...I'll try not to miss the internet more than spice itself.

Not much to blog about today, at all.

Priscilla knows exactly how it is, one minute you're being wheeled down the hospital corridor, literally shitting your pants, begging for NEEDLES! Alice is over here losing her mind completely, while Daphne's offending her superiors by taping celebrities' REAL personalities in 3-part series.

Rebecca's inviting regular "not famous among twelve-year-olds" to accompany her to HuffPo. And Dooce,...something kind of boring about seeing Drew Barrymore at the White House.

A fruitful day

Unlike Earl, I don't have a wheelbarrow full of regrets in my lifetime. Maybe I don't exist under the same pressure he's been forced to live under, providing for his family AND being funny and creative on cue.

It's most likely where my husband and I veer off each other's courses...my life of luxury and leisure can't really go wrong (except in my head), while our lives can go crashing off-course if he drops even one ball of the seven zillion he keeps juggling.

Hence the compassion I'm trying to add to my repertoire. It's kind of embarrassing when I take an honest look at all I haven't accomplished in my life, and compare it to all I could accomplish if I went back to school or just got a regular job.

These are recent thoughts only, as it's possible that I once homeschooled successfully, might have had all my close friends within handy vicinity, and perhaps felt proud of the choices I've made that landed me here today...complaining and guilt-ridden.

I stole this graphic

Might as well confess it up front, before rules start to apply.

Feng Shui Alert

When I get my internet back tomorrow's AM, first I will thank God I don't live in China. And since my worldview extends to as many corners as it chooses, I will promptly resurrect Jesus before Easter even arrives.

Nannies for everyone!!!

I may be the eternal optimist, okay I am. But to have grandpa willing not to just father me (I've missed him), but also be in charge of bedtime stories and letting me RELAX!!! Okay, I'm cleaning out closets and rearranging all the clothes in dressers...but I'm calm.

Doesn't hurt that the weather is as fine as I can remember throughout all the springtimes I've lived here. Usually, the snow is not gone until late April, or May, sometimes June. I'm not lying! Living in North Dakota is pure torture most of the time.

But today, except for the wind...absolutely delightful.

Malfunctioning Friday

This is ridiculous, and get me back here NOW! Remaining tethered to the planet instead of leaping through the clouds of my choosing...deep soul work, lemme tell you. I bothered to see which spoils Gwyneth is spending her effortless lifestyle on, reporting.

Ooh, Nashville allowed her entry, and London's ALWAYS there for her. Makes Daphne's realness factor with Wendy Williams sublime in comparison. I'm starting to understand why John Mayer would rather NOT PLAY, than continue to associate himself with the mentionables.

At least that's MY interpretation of his MOOD problem. I'd have to interview him myself to get the full picture of what's UNFAIR TO THE REST OF US about celebrity-advantage these days. And I think I will...yup, I'd better.

Market Street Tour

Likely the most perfect execution available on our Web today, featuring what's possible in cities across the globe whose interests lie in tourism, and even in Dubai.

Perhaps someday, Mighty Girl's printable coupons for 15%-off anything and everything, will make me want to visit her in person. Yeah, I can see myself volunteering to soak up some of San Fran's history (+ boring capitalism).

Maria's in the midst of teaching character to grown ups who fail to aggressively gather business opportunities from each and every competitor. I've bet her my $25 Amazon giftcard for her version of a picture-perfect attempt at civility geared towards retaining an almost-permanently lost customer.

Dined at Perkins this AM

Totally ordered the greasiest thing off the menu, and licked my platter clean. Definitely had fried chicken, white gravy, sunny-side up eggs, and potatoes in chunk-sized portions. Plus, half-an apple cinnamon muffin. And bad coffee.

Loved the new mugs though, and the industrial carpet-squares were worth remarking on. Nice job Perkins!!!

I'm loving Facebook lately, but not because I ever go there. I mean, I frequently get messages in my inbox telling me MORE FRIENDS are seeking to forgive me. All those times I was a bitch to anyone...I just apologize twenty years later, and OVER IT!

Even Cecy, no not that one familia. Remember, cousin of Yvonne and Yvette..., that Cecy? Yup. Well, really Cecelia, but we know how REAL Latinas are. Date boys who look identical to Marky Mark, but more the personality of Vanilla (yes, ice...who else?!!) But in the end, ultimately as Kid Rock as they all end up being.

With or without back up, MAN's a PATRIOT!!! And American, luckily for all of us. Probably spends his whole entire summer drinking up all of McDonald's unsweetened except for FRESH LEMON, iced tea.

I love cartoons.

I stole this graphic from Maria, for free. Priscilla's gone and changed her blog graphics, and Not Lisa Belkin, obviously is ranting and raving about the unfairness of celebrity housing. There's a crisis, we agree.

Does this have anything to do with Daphne talking wigs with Wendy Williams, or Dooce's fashionable face belonging on HGTV? Maybe.

A waste of motorcycle parts

I'm actually glad that Jesse James taught Sandra Bullock that she's not worth his effort. Because anytime a celebrostyled human holds out for REAL love (which doesn't exist), marriages of four years can be reduced to pinkie swears instead of legally-binding contracts.

And tattooed foreheads will forever be considered "courageous" instead of plain old moronic. As if that would ever happen. It's too bad Jesse didn't just introduce Sandy to his missionary at the get-go...never know, could've actually learned to PRODUCE scripturally-based dramas.

Brings the 4,000+ children to mind who die (through the grace of God himself) everyday, due to water-borne illnesses. Way more thrifty an expenditure than all those houses scattered around the world, staying connected to OTHER houses.

That aren't any REAL-er than rainbow parades.

I'm actually Canadian

When you go to UND, and wrestle with football players who cheat on their girlfriends, you learn a thing or two about getting into bars when you're underage. It's impossible.

Being underage and getting into a North Dakotan bar...illegal. Like, against all the laws. Reason I love my Senators, Representatives, and even dumb mayors who are elected by people. You know, in voting booths, where counting is actually rational?

I love Law and Order so much. Has less to do with as many nice, pleated uniforms as men need. And more to do with just professionalism, and strength. Being related to human beings, instead of aliens, allows me such luxury.

As does my dear and awesome respect for OLD PEOPLE, with or without walkers, no matter. Being of American descent, but actually Canadian, leaves me simply a FAN of many. Loving all the races, except for the ignorant (inbred if you asked me and I answered honestly).

It's how I view the world, with virtue intact. Makes me as proud as the Red and White, as I am of the Red, White and Blue.