Friday, February 19, 2010

Tuned-in Catholics

Straight from my inbox, thanks to my BFF Jen. God's cake, not as good when you eat the ingredients all by themselves. And no, she doesn't read my blog.

She just intuits my needs, as did Katherine who I just ran into today. Pays $8,000 per kid for BRACES!!! Of course I asked whether she felt this was the price of the expertise or the product, and we both agreed...the expertise.

Sad for the furniture industry though, because even SHE admits her home would be much better furnished were it not for this ridiculous "necessity". Yes, I think I have a math book laying around here somewhere.

Aw screw it, I have THOUSANDS of women friends who regularly sacrifice furniture for other expenses, and they KNOW THIS about themselves. Weirdness abounds.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It appears Mindy shops at Walmart

What to do, what to do. Well, their televised advertising has improved, not that I'll ever step foot in that store except to buy Klarbrunn sparkling water. It has nothing to do with the greeters, Mindy...I love old people with a purpose.

It's just TOO BIG, but I don't want to get into that right now. Already I've realized that even I can't figure out what a Proust is for the life of me, refuse to learn French, and if I need to be told what an artist's role in society is...then just make me read Proust!

I refuse to, of course. Even the Wikipedia page was too long and boring. So Mindy, wait, too soon for that. Currently, I'm just ripping up all the calendars in my house because I HATE NUMBERS SO MUCH. And always will.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Melissa Mashburn left me a comment

Very smart girl. Yes, I have nothing better to do with my time than watch Sarah Silverman episodes and related propaganda. Of course, the irony presented on Demetri Martin's historically accurate programming, how can one even choose?

Perhaps as I blog on in my related columns, it will come to me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Going fast...

I hate dot nets. Something about their inabilities to be blogspot that drives me absolutely insane, and WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT, anyway? Never been there before, nor shall I try.

Talk about making a statement, in NYLONS no less. Unbeautiful Rebecca, highly reportable. So anyway, now that my angst is passing I'm disappointed to announce that I'm unable to link directly to Rebecca's current post on safe sex.

Well, less safe but still fun, right Rebecca? I'll just have to suggest you go on over to her site QUICKLY because by tomorrow, or later today even...there may be ANOTHER post. And believe me, if you miss this one...the one I cannot link to...


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Melissa Mashburn has a lack of self esteem

Never met her before in my life. Happened upon her in Maria's comment section, where I fell back in love with the ever-popular "last blog I wrote" feature. The advertising had nothing to do with it Maria, but keep trying.

Holy crap, is this woman SUFFERING!!! Major depression, diabetes, anxiety disorder, AND asthma?!? Wonder which drug companies are catering to her least four, I'd assume. Regardless, like most women (okay, all)...she's trying to forgive her mother and all the idiotic males who did not dial 1-800-flowers anywhere near enough.

I can totally relate, Melissa, to all of it. Even Sandy Bullock, I'm somewhat sure, has experienced SOME imbalances in her life. I mean just think, it probably took her YEARS to lose her German accent and convince her fake friends that she really is American. She's not.

And only speaks one other language, which is another flaw I'm sure we'll be hearing more and more about in the media. At least, I think.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Asha, um who?

It would be very sad if I forgot to pick my kids up from school, just hope everybody realizes this. And, if I never forgive Dana "Tea Party" Loesche...who probably has Google Alert on every possible misspelling of her last name, of which there are many...then I'm a better person for it.

Having conversations with all the fake moms on the planet takes time away from living, you know. And, we all know which I prefer...don't we? Very expensive hotels, very very expensive. Yes, Minneapolis is full of 'em. Stay there all the time...with my FAMILY!

Stay focused, it's me who's currently dizzy, none of the rest of you. Was I talking about Maria here, I cannot recall. I know I once talked about Maria non-stop, due to her commitment to crafting a functional website that's as advanced as blogspot could ever wish to be.

Plus, I was there when she went into labor (remember the pressure points?) Whole entire reason I was able to blog so soon after Cooper was born. Maria's swift recovery was my inspiration. And, her video commenting option.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Going out of business

Oh great. I've been kicked out of the library for downloading porn onto the Children's Computers. I'm sorry guys, I truly messed up.