Monday, June 22, 2009

The bridal shower


The stories I'll tell...



I didn't drive, which allowed me to take some prairie pictures out my window. Still turned out blurry. Wide open spaces though, just like the songs say.



This is exactly what I meant by perfect weekends, lasting forever and ever. No, I insist. A little sunshine, endless icy cold Frescas, my Cross Sums. Don't make fun, I have simple needs.



My heart skips a beat when my girls, at all their various ages, think nothing of playing imaginatively with each other. Affirms everything I believe is important and possible.



Madison. You've never met a more self-assured two year old, a natural consequence of having siblings upon siblings.



Thursday, June 18, 2009

TwitterNews

Most of my friends here, fellow mombloggers, feel the same way as I do about Twitter. Can't really get into it, not sure of its reason, and what's with all the press...um, I have better things to do with my thinking.

Maybe if pressed they'd admit it, I don't know. Sometimes it's fun, even if you don't have an actual TwitterAccount, just to peek in on occasion to see what someone is saying. Okay, I admit it.

And I'm glad I did, otherwise how else would I be able to laugh to myself all day that Ashton has dreams at night about sharing all his hopes with Obama, on Airforce One, while Michelle sits by and gets mad. Keepin my man up again, she says.

Isn't that adorable? Demi, you picked the right one, total cuteness! Who else do I entertain myself with, but a musician who's hard on himself, waiting for inspiration, which means his heart's broken. I always wonder, who did it, and when.

And I secretly hope for a reunion between him and Jen Aniston. Guess who?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

There's no competition

My husband doesn't like when I point this out in public, but it was he who taught me how to be the perfect match. Most men, perhaps it comes down to poor communication, or bad manners, but they think nothing of trashing their significant other. It's like it's somehow normal, or helps with male bonding to say, "my wife's a bitch, yeah, she's such a nag".

And maybe she is, I haven't met her yet. He's always had this habit though, I can't personally take the credit. He lifts his spouse up to the highest level in front of everyone. For all anyone knows, I'm perfect, a saint. His life would be incomplete without me, he's the luckiest man on the planet. He tells that to everybody, and it used to make me embarassed.

Be real, I'd say back at the beginning of our relationship. What about the rest? What do you mean, he'd suggest. Well, like, sometimes we fight, and you make it seem like I'm perfect. What are you looking at, how can you even say that, he'd ask.

He doesn't wear rose-colored glasses, he's a perfectly critical thinker, but he does know a thing or two about respect. For example, not a day goes by where I'd ever consider that I come second. Not that I'd ever allow that. On his own though, it's not complicated, it's just how our love is.

It's ME, who's the luckiest girl on the planet.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Whither

I'm just choosing that title because Earl used it twice in a row, perhaps he feels unsure whither direction his life is heading. First, his concern for "what if cows lost their purpose", and now he's been abandoned by his dentist. Why-oh-why has the industry damaged him so?

I'd encourage him with feedback, but his measure of success is so unreasonably high, his need for peer approval entirely foreign to my pedestrian sensibilities. Once infected by glittery ideas of the supposedly all-powerful, well, it's the lack of cure that fuels the entire media treadmill. So in conclusion, good luck with that Earl.

The fact that he's raised my writing from pure rambling confession to mid-paragraph bait-and-switch, for me that was pivotal, still doesn't compute with Earl. His very presence online encouraged me to question Larry King's commitment to his "youth is IT" ignorance at the expense of "mature legacies are valuable".

The TwitterKing (title granted by sir Ashton), like the rest of them, a kept batch of princesses, and God bless every pampered one of 'em. Someone has to be in charge of hawking taco-flavored Doritos. And patting each other on the back for all that accomplishment, mmm hmm, so successful!!! And real.

I don't particularly envy the stage of life Earl's at, wondering sincerely if bargaining his power away, through the inconvenient act of being talented and profitable was ever worthwhile. His contributions were an asset to MY childhood, his golden coinage has that Earl's-an-individual style.

Trust my advice Earl, it's time to move on. I'll be here for you the entire time, I always have been, that's just MY style.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Diabetes Camp

Came out of nowhere, early rising for an hour-and-a-half drive to test out the possibility of making lifelong friends for my daughter. She'll go every year starting age nine (she's only seven). Just like the trip to Minneapolis which will last about five days (or six), we leave tomorrow. It came out of nowhere I was saying.

Gonna be fun, the trip (and the camp), lots of good shopping. So far Williams Sonoma, Crate & Barrel, Build-a-bear, and IKEA will totally have to happen. And the zoo, and perhaps a museum. Camp though, kind of rustic, fairly wholesome considering all the age groups, musty bunkers (ew!), decent and almost delicious food that is portion-sized.

Everything about that camp wins me over, let's be honest. The counselors were all ex-campers, so many "my-whole-lifers", and the medical care...few camps are devoted first and foremost to health. Camp Sioux is. Comraderie all came from a shared hardship to deal with, applause was won for trying new injection sites, for being the first sixteen-year-old dude to try on an insulin pump (he chose pink, his favorite color).

She'll be going, of course. And of course I pondered the whole time how I could let it happen, her independence I mean, yup, she must go. Looking forward.

Monday, June 8, 2009

My Lush Rainy Corner




There's no loss

I don't like to be one of those complaining homeschooling moms, who breaks her stoic expression in a fit of reality crashing down, but from time to time I have to admit to myself that homeschooling is really hard. It's a marathon of hard, with many effortless sprints, but the grit-your-teeth truth of it, is it's a lifestyle that must be given full attention. Or else.

Justifications abound for why I stay on this difficult track, one glance at who my kids would be in the system, as opposed to their clean spirits safely outside of it, worth all the hard. I don't like who I'd be if I were traditionally obedient to the norms of society, blindly consuming "it's good for you" but knowing better. What I'm doing is better, but that doesn't mean it's not hard.

All I can depend on to keep things smooth flowing, is a clarified vision of what I'm attempting, confirmed by my hopes of what is possible. In between we do math. It's like, without my lifeline to spirit, without an easy-going life that allows me to follow where I'm led, education-wise, like into science books, and more math. Without that straight shot from "here I am" to "here we are going", the lifestyle gets fragmented, and so do I.

Fragmented homeschooling moms are the worst kind. Having spent the first three years deciding how I'll homeschool, primarily guarding myself from the pitfalls of "you'll fail", I know these things. I know what it takes to stay on course, despite how tempting it can be to give in...to just throw your kids into someone else's good enough hands, but not your own.

Not worth it. Not who I am, or will ever be.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Gotta get my ass in gear

You know, my donkey, his backpack packed....we're headin to the desert. Doesn't everyone in Egypt have a donkey to get in gear when the sun's this great today and you spent all morning enjoying raspberries and blueberries mixed in vanilla yogurt? Yum!!

I could spend my whole life enjoying delicious foods straight from nature, prepared right. Yum, yum!!! And this morning, I switched officially to tea from morning coffee. Yes, officially, I had a little ceremony and everything. Idiots!

I like Green and White tea from Target, with a stick of Nespresso sugar to sweeten, poured right before whistling into a travel Eddie Bauer mug. Well, one of those tall insulated thingees, yes one of those. So yesterday I officially switched over, did I say today? Because I meant yesterday (LOVE time travel!)

But now, I have like, 3 and a half baskets of laundry to put away, been putting it off AND just avoiding it. I hate putting away 3 and a half baskets of laundry. Glad I'm not the Duggars!

Have a great day.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm a frumpy mom

I realized today when I was at TJ Maxx, as I glanced around at the capris and perfectly matched blouses, that not only am I frumpy, I make frumpy look cool. Seriously, it's possible. You see, over-sized Ralph Lauren polos with Levis is frumpy enough to BE frumpy, paired with the I have better things to do with my time than spend hours deciding.

Yes, there was TONS of deciding going on that pretty much bored me to tears. I couldn't cry though, because I was too busy marveling at the energy that goes into choosing "make me feel better about myself" outfits, accompanied by the "look what she's wearing" sideglances that make all that effort possible. Spare me the drama!

Then, after being treated like a princess all day, because somebody absolutely loves me, we went to the park to pick up the kids. There too, I made frumpy look cool, actually I wasn't working the frumpy so much as, "cool and confident mom with no need for validation". I have many angles, some have yet to be invented.

Eventually, as the summer wears on, I'll stop strutting my strut and return to plain normal. But just for today, as I thank God that my brood is expanding (yes, that's exactly what I'm meaning)... securely tied down for the next, oh, two-and-a-half years.

Making fun of shopping will be replaced by "why doesn't anything fit me", but I'll still find plenty to be appalled at, like hopelessly insignificant dependencies on Korean pedicures.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My new beginning

I own this blog, and if I feel the need to save all my previous posts to draft files, I will. I'm the kind of girl who depends on new beginnings, it's just something you learn when your choices boil down to a backpack filled with regret, or a new beginning.

It's more refreshing, and the proper use of technology if I do say so myself, to remove all that clutter from your mind's eye and start over. The process will be repeated time and again, so don't be surprised.

You'll notice, if you actually read this blog, and not just boring Google Reader (no amazing colors) that I left off in February when our lives were changed by diabetes. It's been four months and we've adjusted quite well thank you, no complaints. So, I zapped that blog along with the rest of 'em...deleted into once upon a time blogpost heaven.

I'm open. Not sure exactly which direction I'll take, I'm half-tempted just to talk about education and boring books. But then, knowing myself and my embarassment with being ignorant, there's not much else to say on that except I'm reading a cookbook called Ratios and a history book on the Inquisition.

My thoughts are basically...wish I had the Ratio book like ten years ago, when it was exactly what I needed to feed my family with confidence. All experimental back then, just looking for a method. And the Inquisition, sadly I'd forgotten that it happened. Glad the library reminded me why I get so offended by people trying to control my religion, and thinking.

So, that's me. This is my new beginning, all tuned.

From Meandering to Marveling

That was a short drive, and we'll get the ice cream later. This nausea, not my best friend, and to think I was sure it was birthed by conflict. Believed that for a few uncertain weeks. Nope, conflict can still exist and be less nauseating than enlightening. I'm sitting in it, and truly, I don't mind it a bit.

It's blowing my mind, and can't say with certainty I know where I'm heading. But definitely not backwards, that's the only thing that's impossible at this point. I like waking up, it's like wow, I didn't know I could have those feelings. Nothing crazy or out of the ordinary, just a clearer view of my whole life, and all the things I'd been seeing wrongly.

It's a relief to have made that mistake all my life, only because the realization that I can fix it gives me even more to focus on that's important. I wish I had someone to share all my insights. Just random things like, yeah, I can stare Ethiopia's starving children in the face, and think bigger.

It would break my heart of course, I'm not afraid of that either. G'head, break my heart I dare you. It's easier to see anyway, and for that I must thank you.