Feng Shui Alert

When I get my internet back tomorrow's AM, first I will thank God I don't live in China. And since my worldview extends to as many corners as it chooses, I will promptly resurrect Jesus before Easter even arrives.

Nannies for everyone!!!

I may be the eternal optimist, okay I am. But to have grandpa willing not to just father me (I've missed him), but also be in charge of bedtime stories and letting me RELAX!!! Okay, I'm cleaning out closets and rearranging all the clothes in dressers...but I'm calm.

Doesn't hurt that the weather is as fine as I can remember throughout all the springtimes I've lived here. Usually, the snow is not gone until late April, or May, sometimes June. I'm not lying! Living in North Dakota is pure torture most of the time.

But today, except for the wind...absolutely delightful.

Malfunctioning Friday

This is ridiculous, and get me back here NOW! Remaining tethered to the planet instead of leaping through the clouds of my choosing...deep soul work, lemme tell you. I bothered to see which spoils Gwyneth is spending her effortless lifestyle on, reporting.

Ooh, Nashville allowed her entry, and London's ALWAYS there for her. Makes Daphne's realness factor with Wendy Williams sublime in comparison. I'm starting to understand why John Mayer would rather NOT PLAY, than continue to associate himself with the mentionables.

At least that's MY interpretation of his MOOD problem. I'd have to interview him myself to get the full picture of what's UNFAIR TO THE REST OF US about celebrity-advantage these days. And I think I will...yup, I'd better.

Market Street Tour

Likely the most perfect execution available on our Web today, featuring what's possible in cities across the globe whose interests lie in tourism, and even in Dubai.

Perhaps someday, Mighty Girl's printable coupons for 15%-off anything and everything, will make me want to visit her in person. Yeah, I can see myself volunteering to soak up some of San Fran's history (+ boring capitalism).

Maria's in the midst of teaching character to grown ups who fail to aggressively gather business opportunities from each and every competitor. I've bet her my $25 Amazon giftcard for her version of a picture-perfect attempt at civility geared towards retaining an almost-permanently lost customer.

Dined at Perkins this AM

Totally ordered the greasiest thing off the menu, and licked my platter clean. Definitely had fried chicken, white gravy, sunny-side up eggs, and potatoes in chunk-sized portions. Plus, half-an apple cinnamon muffin. And bad coffee.

Loved the new mugs though, and the industrial carpet-squares were worth remarking on. Nice job Perkins!!!

I'm loving Facebook lately, but not because I ever go there. I mean, I frequently get messages in my inbox telling me MORE FRIENDS are seeking to forgive me. All those times I was a bitch to anyone...I just apologize twenty years later, and OVER IT!

Even Cecy, no not that one familia. Remember, cousin of Yvonne and Yvette..., that Cecy? Yup. Well, really Cecelia, but we know how REAL Latinas are. Date boys who look identical to Marky Mark, but more the personality of Vanilla (yes, ice...who else?!!) But in the end, ultimately as Kid Rock as they all end up being.

With or without back up, MAN's a PATRIOT!!! And American, luckily for all of us. Probably spends his whole entire summer drinking up all of McDonald's unsweetened except for FRESH LEMON, iced tea.

I love cartoons.

I stole this graphic from Maria, for free. Priscilla's gone and changed her blog graphics, and Not Lisa Belkin, obviously is ranting and raving about the unfairness of celebrity housing. There's a crisis, we agree.

Does this have anything to do with Daphne talking wigs with Wendy Williams, or Dooce's fashionable face belonging on HGTV? Maybe.

A waste of motorcycle parts

I'm actually glad that Jesse James taught Sandra Bullock that she's not worth his effort. Because anytime a celebrostyled human holds out for REAL love (which doesn't exist), marriages of four years can be reduced to pinkie swears instead of legally-binding contracts.

And tattooed foreheads will forever be considered "courageous" instead of plain old moronic. As if that would ever happen. It's too bad Jesse didn't just introduce Sandy to his missionary at the get-go...never know, could've actually learned to PRODUCE scripturally-based dramas.

Brings the 4,000+ children to mind who die (through the grace of God himself) everyday, due to water-borne illnesses. Way more thrifty an expenditure than all those houses scattered around the world, staying connected to OTHER houses.

That aren't any REAL-er than rainbow parades.

I'm actually Canadian

When you go to UND, and wrestle with football players who cheat on their girlfriends, you learn a thing or two about getting into bars when you're underage. It's impossible.

Being underage and getting into a North Dakotan bar...illegal. Like, against all the laws. Reason I love my Senators, Representatives, and even dumb mayors who are elected by people. You know, in voting booths, where counting is actually rational?

I love Law and Order so much. Has less to do with as many nice, pleated uniforms as men need. And more to do with just professionalism, and strength. Being related to human beings, instead of aliens, allows me such luxury.

As does my dear and awesome respect for OLD PEOPLE, with or without walkers, no matter. Being of American descent, but actually Canadian, leaves me simply a FAN of many. Loving all the races, except for the ignorant (inbred if you asked me and I answered honestly).

It's how I view the world, with virtue intact. Makes me as proud as the Red and White, as I am of the Red, White and Blue.

Sl-l-l-ide

Back from Open Gym at RRVGC, might become a weekly event, you never know. Ever observant of the traits that separate moms from "guys who call into radio shows", I'm a HUGE fan of moms everywhere. I've decided.

The fact that parents everywhere remind me of my brother (another parent whom I love), I had a chuckle or two as I reflected on the quirkiness of Mom-owned blackberries versus dude-owned iPhones. Just try to follow, because I can't.

So where was I, ah yes, BLENDS.

Damn! Shoulda chose medium.

Funniest story

FRONT PAGE NEWS, even. So, I'm like being a responsible parent at my children's school today, in the DAYLIGHT! Yes, what was it called again, here, let me pull out the BROCHURE. Right in the front of my theConservatives book, conveniently...ah yes, The Living Museum. By Patrick Allitt...no wait, that's the BOOK'S author, brochures from Living Museums are written by TEACHERS. Yes, that one.

In the NOOK, yup, the nook. Cuter than kindle, don'tcha think? totally

Guess who was living MODERN history? You'll never guess, don't even try.

THE SECOND DIABETIC!!! Played Bill Gates, I SWEAR TO GOD!!! Cutest little diabetic Bill Gates, or wait...who's Steve Jobs. And, what's the difference? It was Bill Gates, my nine year old re-informed me (I already knew, just testing his IQ).

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AND....even MORE RELEVANT....there was a "Black Hero"!!! Played by a WHITE CHILD. I burst out laughing, but didn't feel so alone because other parents let out a little laugh too. To make me feel better about being racist like them, I'm sure.

So, guess who the black hero was that didn't get the teach SUSPENDED. You probably already know, since society is built solely on conspiracies these days, that are TRUE! Well, I don't want to ruin it for you, so I'll just mention that he was homeschooled.

I don't know self, was the teacher paying homage to HOMESCHOOLING PARENTS on purpose? Being that everybody in that school LOVES our product. Successfully homeschooled children...even the ones who can't spell worth a shit (take my daughter as a prime example), best thing to ever happen to teachers who are used to being abused by both CHILDREN and PARENTS!

Parents, if I ever get started on THAT TANGENT...are CRUEL to teachers. So mean you don't even want to know. Which is why I'm EXTRA PROUD to have dumped the responsibility back onto them. All the PRAISE we get as parents of ex-homeschooled children...worth every regret. Of which there are none, actually.

None at all. So, where was I ahead of myself again? Can't remember.

So, thank you

You know how you have that place in your heart, being made of muscle and all, that doesn't want to sit still and be in peace just because you tell it to? Sometimes the imbalance reflects itself in your voice, like for me, there's an emptiness on the right-side that announces itself as gravelly.

Really annoying, but what can you do? Well for first, don't trust your imagination, because it will lead you down the most tangled of paths, confuse and destroy at its whim (no resting place, that's why). So you keep on walking, in the pain of no resting place, but what can you do?

Watch as many music videos as you can, I always say. Works for about half-a-day of "this is what peace might feel like"...if it lasted. Peace, with imbalance, can't last a whole day if it tried to. Almost easier to believe in the evil and let the pain hurt.

On a wider scale, like the WIDEST...our insides reflect the world outside. Whether a magi is confessing he practices voodoo with sticks, and the Christian who knows better says, "um, no...just won't agree to think so." Takes practice, but worth it so.